Being very introverted and an overthinking type, I’ve had the tendency to convince myself that things can be put off because I haven’t thought it through enough or haven’t determined the “perfect” course of action in order to actually do anything yet. So of course, I end up procrastinating, and end up f***ing hating myself because of it, then letting my brain convince me that it isn’t because I’m not ready, but because I’m a piece of s*** that doesn’t deserve to live. Obviously, this is a bit dramatic.
OKAY. IT’S DRAMATIC AS HELL.
In these cases, I would seek to get acceptance and compassion from my cheering squad (usually my family and friends), in order to give me a pass for my failings. It’s comforting knowing that other people might not consider me a waste of life, but deep down, I know the truth, right? So I may even openly dismiss their compassion, even though I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS SEEKING IT. Why do I do this? Why am I like this?
The reason we can’t accept this sort of sympathy is because we haven’t been able to give to ourselves. It’s that little voice inside that says “remember, you’re nothing, and you’re going to fail, so why bother?”. That voice is powerful, because it is deep inside, and is prone to showing up in our day to day thoughts, so, by repetition, becomes engrained in what we consider to be our identity.
“You are a failure.”
“You are worthless.”
“You can’t do anything right.”
“Why do you even try?”
I’ve always convinced myself that this voice is the true me; the “realistic” me, and that is just complete and utter nonsense. While I can’t fully eliminate my inner hater, I’ve found, through therapy, that it’s okay to add a secondary inner voice; the supportive, compassionate voice.
“Hey, no one gets it right the first time.”
“You’re okay as you are. You’re just trying to be a bit better”
“Failure is not only okay, it’s part of the process.”
The old me would scoff and argue until I was blue in the face if I had heard those phrases out loud. I’ve found that, when I integrate it into my self-talk, that as long as you can believe it, that it tends to be quite effective. Even more so if I say it out loud, so I can not only think it, but hear it in my own voice, and process it through my own ears.
You can be better. But first, know yourself, and then give yourself some compassion (read: permission to fail). Personal development is a lifestyle. Not a destination. We will never truly arrive. We can only be accepting of who we are, and try to be a little better each day.