I have a history of becoming offended by things. The buzzword of the last few years is “triggered”, where something read online gives us that hit of negative emotion (anger, sadness, righteous indignance, and so on) and we feel compelled to blast that emotion outwards with the intent of making the other person “fix” it. Or, you do something else which is probably just as challenging, which is… repress it. Or perhaps, you’re in the middle of a project, and you meet a sizeable challenge or failure, and it starts to send you into an internal spiral of self-hatred and despair, but you don’t allow it. Instead, you opt to distract yourself with anything that works. Me, I may distract myself with podcasts, articles, videogames, and smoking. Some of my distractions are a little less harmful as they are also key tools in my personal growth.
But you are not addressing the problem. Instead, you allow it to boil up inside of you, only to show up in unintended ways, at inappropriate times.
Sorry to say, but you’re avoidant.
A distraction is only useful for so long. The problem you’re having is internal, with an external trigger. The person, thing, or task that you’re bothered by, may be the initial cause of your emotional response, but let’s be very honest with ourselves here. Do you truly believe that starting a conflict with an external trigger is the optimized action? This all begins from your own mindset. If you’re being bothered by something your partner says, and you don’t mention it, then you are bottling. If you choose to be angry and tell them how everything is their fault, you are being emotionally irresponsible. If you are bothered by an idea you read on the internet, and you just starting blasting hatred in the comments, you are wasting your time and energy, and again, being emotionally irresponsible. I will probably say this over and over during the lifetime of this site:
You are responsible for how you show up to the world. For better or worse, you are responsible.
In order to eliminate some of your more toxic habits, it’s important to go inwards and make sure that your self-image comes from inside you. If you are the sole owner of your identity, it is nearly impossible to be bothered by wayward criticism. If you accept that you cannot control the minds of people, you won’t start blasting hate with the purpose of others admitting how wrong they are about you, or about anything and everything.
But you have to stop distracting yourself. Extraverts and Introverts alike need alone time to ruminate on the things that are important to them. Not even a lot of time per day. What’s 20 minutes out of 24 hours? Not much in my opinion. Ask yourself:
“What are my short/long term goals?”
“How do I feel about myself (and why)?”
“How can I do a little better today than yesterday?”
Knowing yourself is the first half of the goal. You then must make decisions in the outside world that are in alignment with your self-evaluation. If your intent is good, and your actions are in alignment, then getting triggered by things not going your way or by people viewing your intent wrong is difficult, because you don’t need to argue, justify, or defend yourself. You will be able to set boundaries on how people are allowed to treat you, rather than putting up your psychological dukes.
Remember: Do your best, fix what you can, and be patient with yourself as you do.