“It is not things that trouble people, but their opinions about things. … So whenever we are frustrated, or troubled, or pained, let us never hold anyone responsible except ourselves, meaning our own opinions. Uneducated people blame others when they are doing badly. Those whose education is underway blame themselves. But a fully educated person blames no one, neither himself nor anyone else.“ – Encheiridion 5
I think that most people overvalue their opinion. Even right this second, I’m overvaluing my opinion that most people overvalue their own opinion. Irony aside, opinions, or judgments, seem to come to us in an instant during everyday life. For example, someone bumping into your shoulder on the street, making you spill your coffee all over your goddamn shirt, prompting you to make a snap judgment of them, calling them an “asshole”, “idiot”, or some other thing that’s meant to imply malice or stupidity, and maybe something along the lines of “What else can go wrong today?” The person may not apologize, or even if they do, you might still choose to express your judgment.
Let’s consider the opposite scenario. You bump into someone, causing them to spill coffee onto themselves. Did you intend to? Are you stupid? Were you even paying attention? The now-stained person calls you an “idiot”. How dare they? They don’t know you. They don’t know what you go through.
EXACTLY.
You. Don’t. Fuckin’. Know.
I think I’ve written in a very kind way in the past, but I’m going to make the assumption that whoever is reading this is a critical thinker and can make many arguments to “common sense” and “decency” and all that bullshit that always makes you look like you’re the good guy and the other person is an asshole-idiot.
We overvalue our opinion. Of others. Of ourselves. We think we’re inherently good, and justify bad behaviour because of “being provoked”. We think that other people should know better, and when they don’t, deserve punishment.
Ego is dangerous, friend. Especially if it makes you think you can read minds and accurately assess other people’s intentions.
A judgment arriving in your mind quickly is not an indication of its accuracy. You have a bias. We all do. And it makes us act wildly depending on how unhinged we happen to be that day.
Consider the simple act of stripping down the things you experience into subjects and descriptions, or actions. Where’s the judgment?
“A person bumped into me, and my coffee spilled onto my shirt” is much more neutral than the subconscious judgments we make about them:
“A person bumped into me (because he’s a fucking idiot who isn’t watching where he’s going), and my coffee spilled onto my shirt (which I can’t change and will result in embarrassment at work).
Ask yourself why your opinion on events is truly important when things don’t go your way. Short answer, is that it’s not. Will the things that you judge as bad, and make you angry, end up killing you? Probably not. If it does, then there’s nothing to worry about anyway. So how do you become angry or sad if you don’t have an opinion about things that happen to you, and only end up with an accurate description of an event?
Do you want to take a step towards tranquility? Learn to strip your judgment from how you see the world.