For all the work I’ve done, all the things I think that I know, I have a narrative running in my head that the only authentic emotion that I’m allowed to feel is an overwhelming feeling of deep sadness, of worthlessness, of hopelessness. It feels too damn real to ignore, and everything else feels like […]
“Your alarm goes off. You hit snooze. 10 minutes goes by. Your alarm goes off again. You hit snooze. Again. One hour and several grunts, groans, and snooze smashes later, and you’re beating yourself for being lazy. You drag your ass out of bed. You look around to see your laundry is in a heap […]
Anyone who spends enough time with me is very familiar with my frequent existential crises. I spend a lot of time contemplating life, or rather, my own life, and whether or not it’s worth living. I think about a lot of mistakes I’ve made in my life and I frequently find myself in a mental […]
I had the opportunity to spend a quiet week alone (not including my cat) recently, and took the opportunity to try a little something radically different than the way I usually trudge through my weekdays. I chose to not distract myself with podcasts, or music, or getting stuck in my own thoughts. Instead, I chose […]
I have a history of becoming offended by things. The buzzword of the last few years is “triggered”, where something read online gives us that hit of negative emotion (anger, sadness, righteous indignance, and so on) and we feel compelled to blast that emotion outwards with the intent of making the other person “fix” it. […]
One of the most disempowering states of mind to live in is that of the victim. “Someone up there has it out for me.” “No matter what I do, something goes wrong.” “Everyone is an asshole and is trying to piss me off.” The last quote I mentioned is related to my previous posts, where […]
In the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I’m an ISTJ. ISTJs are not inherently very emotionally adept (having our introverted feeling function [Fi] at the tertiary level), but I like to think that I’ve put a lot of energy into developing my emotional intelligence, and as such, probably have more EQ than most of those of my […]
I made a comment in the previous post about failure. We all fail. For me, if I was to ruminate about my day and think about all the stupid things I did or said, and contrast those to how I wanted things to turn out, then I would be like “DAMN, ALL I DO IS […]
Being very introverted and an overthinking type, I’ve had the tendency to convince myself that things can be put off because I haven’t thought it through enough or haven’t determined the “perfect” course of action in order to actually do anything yet. So of course, I end up procrastinating, and end up f***ing hating myself […]
I get it. It’s hard to actually do things, because the probability of failure in something which you have very little experience is non-trivial. So we go ahead and read the blogs, listen to the podcasts. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Suddenly, BAM, you find yourself triggered by something. Maybe an off-handed comment by a co-worker, or a […]